“Well darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable, And lightness has a call that’s hard to hear” – “Closer to Fine” – The Indigo Girls
People often erect barriers to success constructed from “what will other people think?” I know these barriers all too well. I have built myself curbs, hurdles, walls, and prisons from this type of thinking. I always use the same materials, like a designer stuck on using shag carpet. It wasn’t terribly effective even when it was in style!
I run into this with people I coach as well. They want to make a change but society, parents, friends, colleagues, and clerks in the grocery store will all think that they are insane, losers, throwing away their lives or other judgments of this ilk. It is true, sometimes they do think this and, yes, some will say it out loud to your face. Society is that loudmouth schmuck who offers a negative opinion about everything. I think it is surprising how that one, loud, overbearing voice silences all the other voices that think otherwise or don’t even really care. That these social voices all live in our heads, and earplugs only keep them in, doesn’t help. If somebody could design an earplug that would silence those obnoxious voices in our heads, now that would be a company in which to invest!
So, when dreaming your dream and finding yourself building a barrier using others’ thoughts, why not try using those same building materials to create a smooth pathway using the less boisterous and quieter voices that are out there as well but that we can’t hear as easily. Find those people who will light up and exclaim YES! once they hear your plan. Way to Go! That sounds Just like you. You always were good at that. I love that idea. Oh, I’m so pleased for you. I know you can do it. Awesome. Keep the comments, opinions and advise that help you and let the rest go. It might be beneficial to use this useful, mature mantra on those unhelpful voices: I’m rubber, you’re glue. It bounces off me and sticks on you!* Stick your tongue out while you say this. Add nya, nya, nya, nya, nya if you need extra emphasis. That’s about all the validation those unhelpful voices deserve.
*A special shout out to my brother, John Boulter, who tormented me with this wisdom throughout our childhood. I have no doubt he used it successfully to raise his own children.
Rosalie Boulter is a Coach who loves to work with people to find success on their unique terms. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.