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September – A Good Time for Relationship Reflection

September has that back to real life feel for many of us. Summer has a different pattern with different routines. We are apt to go away more, spend more time outdoors, be more spontaneous, and throw routine out the window. A lot of our committees, classes, teams and informal groups disband over the summer as people take vacations and turn their attention to summer things.

Then, September pounces. You think you are going away for a summer long weekend and then you arrive home and find out that September is here – already! Wait, I’m not prepared.

There is both sadness when summer ends and also a relief and a welcome back to routine.

September is a great time to review your goals and create new habits and routines that support the life you wish to have. It is a perfect time for couples to do their regular Relationship Review and for couples and families to update their Family Agreements. If you don’t do either of these things, perhaps this year is the exactly right time to begin these beneficial habits.

A few things to take into account:

  • What are the roles, expectations, responsibilities and accountabilities of each person and of the entire family system? Why are these important?
  • What values guide your system? How will you use these to make decisions?
  • What behaviours, rules, or guidelines do you wish to follow and why?
  • What dreams, goals and aspirations do you have and what support does each person require?
  • What went well in the past and what could use some re-jigging?

Remember, the purpose of reviews and agreements is to create the atmosphere and outcomes that you want. It is outcome and solution oriented. Leave blame and criticism out and think about what you ideally wish to achieve in your relationship and how you are going to make it happen. These plans are also living documents. If something isn’t working – change it. If you omit something – add it.

Love, listening, curiosity and humour are great skills to use while you do your review.

For a tool to assist you, click here for a copy of a Relationship Wheel. It is fairly easy to use and is a good conversation starter.


Rosalie is a certified Relationship Systems Coach & Career Transition/Leadership Coach.  She draws on 10+ years of coaching in both the public and private sector. Clients include business partners, couples, entrepreneurs and individuals exploring career transitions. Her coaching expertise is informed by Organization & Relationship Systems Coaching (ORSC), Co-Active Coaching, Solution Focused Coaching, and Relationship Awareness Theory using the Strength Deployment Inventory (SDI).


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