We all have a lot of aspects of self. Some parts of ourselves we appreciate and some we really would rather not have. Well, our partner is the same and they have some aspects that run the range of some you really adore and some that you cannot stand.
What’s a good Love/Hate Ratio in Relationships?
Realizing this can help a lot when we run into that aspect of the other person that hits a part of us in an “I hate you” sort of way. One day all is well and we feel a warm fuzzy toward our partner and then, for some reason, the next day/moment, they are unbearable (and we know it is them). What changed?
It’s like we are actors putting on two separate plays on the same stage. Not all of our characters are “on stage” all the time. When a part of us that is center stage connects with one of our nemeses* from our partner that is on their stage, then sparks fly. Then another day a different part of us is at play with that same aspect of the other that so bothered us the other day, but today, these two parts actually get along. Get it? No wonder our relationships are so freaking confusing sometimes.
The trick is to attempt to access a part of you that is best able to deal with the part your partner has at play and vice-versa. To continue with the stage metaphor, have a director who can stop action and bring another player on stage as the other waits in the wings.
Well, what is a healthy ratio? I don’t know but in my coaching world I’ve heard people say if you love 75% of your partner, 20% is ok – you can put up with, and 5% you can’t stand, then you probably have a normal relationship. Nobody loves 100% of the other. If you do love 100% of every quirk, habit, or behavior of your partner, I would sure like to hear from you.
*Not a typo. This is the plural of nemesis. I googled it.